Don't Give Up

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up...
To more than I can be

Beautiful Extinguished Candle

You came and left – leaving Zenith as it was.  If I had not said a word, no one would ever know you had been.  You had always been the neat freak, even on your very worst day (yes, I remember).

You must have been tired after fighting for so long.  I had only one wish – that you’d fight on.  But I guess you must be so very tired after all these years and the drugs have wrecked your body so much that they only left a skeleton of what you had once been.

As you had gone on your way, I know we’ll meet again some day, my graceful beautiful extinguished candle.

My "Laughing Twin"

This is specially dedicated to my “laughing twin”

We had wonderful times together

Shopped like there was no tomorrow

Elbowed our way to get in front during sales

Danced the nights away on the dance floors

Enjoyed our margaritas and “screw drivers”

“Sabotage the toilet papers, woman!”

Enjoyed food without a care to our waistlines

Lunch breaks where we laughed till we had tears rolling down our cheeks

I know my laughing twin is a strong individual 

Who can overcome, come what may

 

I believe in my laughing twin

Our target of Christmas timeline can be met

The rainbow is there and will eventually appear

My laughing twin

The beautiful girl 

Is now a beautiful woman  

I look forward to the day

When she has a quiet smile on her lips

And her smile suddenly bursts

An explosive loud boisterous joyous sound

LAUGHTER – the glorious sound of her soul awakening

I know my laughing twin

is inside there somewhere

bursting to come out again 

My laughing twin just needs to 

Take one day at a time

A wise friend once told me 

“Take time to smell the roses” 

I am now telling you the same

"Take time to smell the roses, my dearest friend."

With much love, 

here's a fun reminder of  

THAT crazy crazy night 

Where we danced till morn to this song

I am a Person

I'll just let the image below and Jamey Rodemeyer's video speak with regards to acceptance of our fellow mankind.

I still love what Arizona said in Grey Anatomy.

"Homophobia is like racism and anti-Semitism and other forms of bigotry in that it seeks to dehumanize a large group of people, to deny their humanity, their dignity and personhood.  This sets the stage for further repression and violence that spreads all too easily to victimize the next minority group."  - Coretta Scott King

Crocodile Tears

Detest hypocrisy.  Have absolutely no patience for them.  Can smell them a mile off.  Insincere display of emotion or caring gets my blood pressure going sky high!

O devil, devil!

If that the earth could teem with woman’s tears

Each drop she falls would prove a crocodile

OUT OF MY SIGHT!

Othello – Shakespeare

Charity Begins At Home

Tonight my heart swells with pride and joy at the swift actions of my children.

I had explained to my youngest personally about caring for his grandparents and their medical conditions.  The same update was emailed to my two teenagers. 

I took the liberty to ask if they would like to contribute to the fund that the elders have set up to care for their grandparents.

I was so very proud when my youngest went on his own accord to retrieve his wallet from its hiding place.  My youngest loves to hide his things!  He then pulled out the ‘biggest’ bill which he had in his wallet.  He gave it to me with a huge big smile and reminded me that it was from his ‘tooth fairy’.  He proclaimed that just as his “tooth fairy” had given him a new tooth, he hopes that the same "tooth fairy" can make his grandparents well soon with "whatever body parts they need replacing".

My two teenagers had also promptly replied my email committing their share of contributions.  Knowing that their contributions will eat into their allowance, and yet they contributed without hesitation simply makes my heart swell with pride and joy.

As a parent, I’m simply so happy when my children practice “charity begins at home”.

So proud of you kids!  Bear hugs!

“Train up a child in the way that he should go: 

and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” - King Solomon

360 toothbrush

“I have my rights too, you know.” – so said my seven year old to me.

He was asserting his rights to buy his choice of toothbrush.  My argument was that since he is already in possession of three toothbrushes which are in good usable condition, he does not need a new toothbrush. I went further with my argument that I had to remind him constantly to brush his teeth. 

He counter argued that because those toothbrushes were not his choice of toothbrush, he has every right not to use them!

He has been going on and on about acquiring this “360 toothbrush”.  After hearing his non stop requests, nagging and telling me about this "fantastic 360 toothbrush” which I had no idea about, I finally gave in.  I took him to the supermarket to get this “360 toothbrush”.  The minute he reached the supermarket, he dashed off to look for this "fantastic 360 toothbrush”.

“I FOUND IT!  I FOUND IT, MUMMY!”  I could hear his scream from two aisles away.  He was so excited!

From that day on, he brushes his teeth without me having to remind him.  This morning I told him how pleased I was that he is now a big boy and brushing his teeth without me having to remind him. 

He turned to me with his big innocent eyes, smiled and said, “I have my rights too, you know.  You let me have my choice of toothbrush.  I will now always brush my teeth and make you and I happy.” 

"Energizer Bunny"

“The Lord will increase” – that’s what her name means.  She lives up to her name in every sense of the meaning.  She simply has so much of herself to give that “the Lord will increase” His blessings unto her so she won’t run on empty.

She has taken on the role as the primary caregiver for her loved one for the time-being.  I’ve asked her to share her duties, especially night duties, but she declined.  My fear was that she may burn out and told her so.  Her response was simply “I can take it.” 

 

That response “I can take it” - is very reflective of who she is for it doesn’t matter who the loved one that needs caring is, she is the one that the family turns to when it comes to the responsibilities as primary caregiver or alternative primary caregiver.  The great MU fan, a truly filial son who is also another primary caregiver, turns to her whenever he needs to go off for a holiday for he knows with her around he can go off with a peace of mind.

She’s like the “Energizer Bunny” - the mascot that has been promoted as being able to continue operating indefinitely.  The "Energizer Bunny" she may be but as with every primary caregiver, there’s a limit one can take.  Every caregiver needs to re-energize and go for a break. 

So to see her breaking down the other day at the hospital was a relief for me.  Not that I was happy to see her reach her breaking point, but that she was able to let it out.  Brushing aside my rantings and ravings, she reached out with understanding and sharing (for that I sincerely thank you).

My concern was again validated when she shared with me that she broke down during an overseas telephone conversation with her son who had been concerned about her.

Being primary caregivers for a loved one can be stressful and sometimes the primary caregiver may not be aware of it.  However “Energizer Bunny” is aware of this and is careful not to lose sight of her own needs. She goes for her motivational talks and sends me jovial positive phone messages which make my day.

I’m so happy to know that she has kept her date with the “Pirates of the Carribean” this weekend – letting her hair down and will be having loads of fun. Way to go, “Energizer Bunny”!    

Thank you for caring and sharing.

Precious little one

I am greatly disturbed.  I can’t sleep tonight - an extremely rare occurrence for me. 

I’ve just walked out of my children’s bedrooms.  I can’t help going in to give them hugs even though they are asleep, especially tonight.  They are so very precious to me.

I'm feeling great pains in my heart as I discover the extent of domestic violence that had been going on within the four walls of another house.

I can’t help but cry as I am typing this, putting myself in your shoes.  The horror and helplessness, how scared you must have been.  So sorry we did not know and protect you then.

Thank you, Lord for keeping this precious one safe.  
It was only through Your grace and Your grace alone.

~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for all the concerned phone calls – much appreciated.  It was not my child / children but guess I was so emotional then that my writings were unclear/confusing.  Have corrected it accordingly to read “…. within the four walls of another house.”

Sources of Inspiration

I am aching all over – physically.  This is what happens when I did not train before going for a middle distance run last Sunday.

I was happy to have just collected the Adidas running vest and not go for the run.  My younger teenager in encouraging me had told me that she had not been training as well therefore, we should go for the run and suffer together! 

After the first 5km, I was panting and huffing.  I was ready to give up and yet very reluctant to as I had completed about one third of the distance - the total distance being 16.8km.  Then passing by me was this elderly woman who, though was slow, took small running steps continuously – she did not stop.  She was an inspiration and the source of my second wind.

I caught up with my teenager who was also panting and huffing.  Suddenly we saw Usain Bolt look-alike, who was running the 10km, overtaking us.  My teenager who was almost ready to give up suddenly had a strong second wind and raced ahead of me to catch up with the Usain Bolt look-alike. 

She and I have different sources of inspiration to keep us going.  It also showed our age difference.

I am glad regardless of our age difference we finished the race, almost side by side.  I'll have to now train for my next run....

Adidas KOTR 2011 - it was a good Sunday morning run.

Domestic Violence Hurts Everyone

This morning I threw diplomacy out of the window.  I screamed, shouted and used language even a sailor would blushed just to get my message across.

I simply have had enough when domestic violence and abuse are purposely swept under the carpet, everyone pretending that all is hunky dory fine.

BALONEY! RUBBISH! AND PURE INTENTIONAL IGNORANCE!!!!  

I WAS AND AM STILL DAMN BLOODY PISSED!!!

My two teenagers grew up witnessing a family member being verbally abused over the years and many times with threats of physical abuse.  Whenever these threats were too much to bear, this family member would take refuge in my home for the situation to settle down before returning home. 

And this is where I hate the damn family hierarchy thing – I was not allowed to interfere.  So as far as I am concerned, I can only advise the family member to make a stand for herself but she had been so conditioned to accept the abuses that there are times, I was / am simply infuriated by her resignation.

Persons witnessing domestic violence and abuse can either come out a stronger person, be affected emotionally or developed a defensive ‘do not care attitude’ mechanism.  Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his or her behaviour.  The abusive behaviour and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser to ensure the victim continues to be submissive.

I’ve always emphasized to my teenagers not to condone, allow or tolerate any form of domestic violence and abuse. I made sure that I am an example of a strong woman for them.  One of my teenagers came out of this a very strong person whilst the other unfortunately, is not so strong and over the years, witnessing the abuses with family elders just standing by had left emotional scars and affected her in more ways than one.

When the abuses finally escalated to physical violence, and yet family members refused to acknowledge it, I say to hell with family hierarchy.  I had to put my foot down.

 

It makes me sick to the stomach when the abuser is being cuddled and handled with kids glove whilst the victim’s needs and welfare are not only being ignored but to add salt to the wound, the victim had been told and continuously reminded to not answer back and continue to tolerate.

To all who had said this to the victim, I say to you – have a bit of courage to face the reality and find some compassion in you to identify with the victim. 

Just take a few seconds to consider this :-

If it had been your beloved daughter or grand-daughter

And she is being treated the way the victim had been treated,

Honestly, let’s be very honest here

Can you look into the eyes of your beloved daughter or grand-daughter and say

“Just don’t answer back, tolerate it and continue to tolerate.”

If you can’t, then why do you expect the victim to do the same?  

September 2011

September
you came with new beginnings in more ways than one
filled with surprises and challenges in various aspects
that brought about distress that led to closeness
strength and wisdom from lessons learnt

tears and laughter shared with friends and family
memories to last a life time


All in all, September 2011 has been a wonderful month 
I would not think back and want to change a single day
I love September 2011